Three Years

Life is funny.

I reread my year one anniversary summary and it reminded me of that. Year one of marriage, which was also year one of Texas living, was hard for me and the hubs. But really hard for me. Year two was a huge improvement in that area. I grew more comfortable with Texas life and together we worked harder to make things in Texas more enjoyable. Sometime late last year I realized that we reached a turning point related to the move here. It seems we FINALLY hit a stride with everything – our relationship, friends, the dogs, the garden, the house, work. It felt really good. That lasted about 2 months and then a new little twist occurred. The only constant in life is change, right? 

And so here we are, celebrating our third year anniversary with new knowledge and that the upcoming year will likely include challenges greater than those we’ve faced in the past. While there remains a great deal of uncertainty in what lays ahead, what remains constant and true through this is the two of us. In celebration of our third year together, here is my annual list!

1. We are both happier when we spend quality time with our friends – the difference after a night out with a friend or friends is tangible. Now only if we could get just a few more friends to move to Texas! 
2. I am more of a risk-taker than the husband. If you know me, this likely sounds a little crazy. 
3. The husband is slowly buying into (some) of my hippie ways (maybe he is getting better at compromising or he gave up and is letting me have my way)!
4. We are improving our teamwork daily. Painting and gardening are two things we’re really good at as a team. Bug killing is another! :)
5. In this last year we’ve started approaching housework a little more based on how much we like or dislike specific activities which seems to work out better (for the most part). For example, I now take more initiative to do the dishes because the husband HATES washing the dishes and I don’t mind. In return, the husband is doing more of some other things like taking out the compost or putting away dishes.
6. The husband is naturally argumentative and enjoys playing the devil’s advocate (which seems more like antagonizing sometimes) and if you know him, you know the depth of this truth. I now anticipate having to defend my opinions and I find myself reading articles, etc with the goal of being able to defend my argument when he “plays devil’s advocate.”
7. As a couple, we hit a bit of a slump last year. It wasn’t until my grandfather’s death that we sort of realized we were both holding onto some things and needed to let them go. We took that experience to heart and have worked on two things since: daily and weekly things we can do to check-in and stay in a good place as a couple and more proactive approaches to dealing with conflict so it doesn’t fester and lead to slumps. It seems to working better for now!
8. Walking the dogs together used to be a pretty regular thing but as our schedules have increased in complexity, we have seen this fall by the wayside a bit. Now, we both really look forward to this simple activity!
9. Related to the last one, as our lives become more complex I find myself feeling more protective of our time at home. Where a year or more ago I would often feel like I needed to do something almost all of the time at home, I no longer feel that way. I now approach our time at home with less pressure and more flexibility. This has been a good thing for both of us.
10. Marriage is still hard but is so worth it. 

Life, part two

Our (really my) poor little blog has seen a reduction in the everyday life updates as of late. Since beginning this little blog, I've occasionally questioned why I write in this space and who reads it, etc and usually come to the realization that it's mostly for me. I do like to provide updates for the family and friends who visit my blog space. The truth is though, I like being able to keep track of the everyday stuff in life. This little blog facilitates the documentation of our lives and because I prefer blogs with pictures, I find myself taking pictures of all the bits of our lives to include with the updates about the smaller-every-day-sort-of-things.

Then, there are times when those updates feel silly and meaningless, bordering on frivolous. The importance of curtain fabric or our bathroom remodel pale in comparison to other parts of life. And when you (my handful of blog readers) see fewer updates it is because a truly important part of life has taken center stage. And that's really where I've been the last few months - dealing with life.

For us, right now, life is a little different than what we imagined. After two and a half months of doctor's appointments, a medical procedure, and tons and tons of tests, we know this: becoming parents in the traditional way is not going to happen for us.

As we know that most of our readers are friends and family, we want you to know a few things.

First, we are ok. My last post describes all the reasons why we are ok. But you should know that this is the beginning of a new journey for the two of us, individually and as a couple, and we are taking our time with this knowledge. We have really hunkered down (don't you love that phrase?) as a family and tried to spend as much time over the last few weeks just being together, checking in, processing, and supporting one another.

Together, we are good. Individually, at this point and to be perfectly honest I would say the husband is fairing a bit better than me. Helping him are personal qualities and strengths that I do not have or am unable to access within myself right now. Through this process and other experiences in my life, I've learned that I like to know I'm moving forward - moving forward is what helps me manage life - and when I do not feel like I'm moving (when I feel stuck), it is harder for me. Right now I am not moving. The things I've done to try to help myself with this have not helped. I am sad. I want to talk about this and at the same time do not. I want people to know (I hate secrets) but I don't want the look or the pity. I thought knowing (the testing mentioned above) would help me but often it instead feels like a secret burden. You know, like I guess I'll keep going to work like I'm the same person, when clearly I'm not. I can feel this slow change process within myself and I'm scared and worried that the outcome of this process will be negative. I could literally say a thousand things here and not cover ALL of my thoughts and feelings.

I guess the second part of all of this is what's next for us as it relates to growing our family and this goes back to that feeling stuck thing I just mentioned. We are trying to work through how we think we want our family to look in the future and the remaining options for getting us to that point. We don't know exactly what's ahead for us and it looks like it will be some time before we make any decisions about that. These decisions are so very complicated and I anticipate it taking a good amount of time for us.

So there you have a snippet of things from us. We are simply here, living each day and trying to figure out what's next for us. I anticipate getting back to some regular blogging at some point but honestly I don't have it in me right now. I just don't seem to care about a lot of it right now AND I've been super busy with work. I'll be sure to do an update about some new professional stuff soon and about the bathroom as it is our main house thing this year.

Thanks, as always, for reading and supporting us! :)