Contemplations

The blog has been serious this week and this post is in line with that - sorry, hopefully cheerier times come soon.

This week three years ago I started a hellofa journey by delving into the world of PhDness. My BFF's husband, who is one of the smartest people I know (along with the BFF), said that he has yet to meet a person with a PhD that he actually likes. Hmmm - good thing he already sort of liked me and hopefully will still like me ok when I get done. But I don't know - my experiences in the program have affected me in more ways that I can even articulate at times. Suffice it to say it was hard, not intellectually harder than I could handle but emotionally hard - the kind of emotionally hard that is cold, distant, and isolating. And yet, after all of that crud over the last three years I can't help but feel weird being 1000 miles away from that world as the new school year begins. Why? Because I had GREAT people to share that with and those people are all 1000 miles away. I so desperately needed to get away from the crud of the program but moving to Texas has meant leaving behind a HUGE support system - the support system that helped me survive over the past three years. Which also brings me to the point that I left behind everything except the husband and Gracie. Its been hard - harder than I ever could have imagined. I am trying to remain positive, hopeful and upbeat but sometimes its really freakin depressing. The husband is great - he says things like "Why are you awake - go back to sleep" at 8:30 am. He says he needs to do more around the house b/c he knows I truly detest the idea of being a stay-at-home housewife. He is super supportive and encouraging. However, going from the crazy world I lived in for the past three years where I worked, supervised, taught, went to class, etc. to this, to nothing, STINKS sometimes.

But it has helped me realize how much I loved working at the hospital, teaching, and supervising. Hopefully someday real soon I'll get the opportunity to do one or more of those things again. Until then, I'll keep working on the house and dissertation and job hunting.